this week

Hi again!

I haven't posted in ages, I have been so so so so busy and basically, I have no idea what way is up right now!

I have a few ideas about my next posts....

But I decided to be a little bit more serious.

This my blog, my feelings and thoughts, please respect them as I would for you :) x

I have decided to tell you about my struggle with having panic attacks, and feeling majorly insecure and in danger wherever I go most of the time.

A few times I have not even went out, and used excuses, which after a while, made me feel so bad that I could barely do anything without breaking down.

There was this one time I went out shopping, and the atmosphere, people, everything seemed overwhelming. I started shaking, sweating, and everything else. I had a breakdown as soon as I got back in the car.

As soon as I went home, I decided I needed help.

So I decided to go the doctors, and explain everything. I was so nervous before it, but now I am so glad I did.

I have counselling now, and I feel a lot better than I did, knowing I am not alone :)

But before I got help, I was too nervous too, and I was so scared of what the doctors would think of me.

I kept telling myself "They are going to think I am pathetic" or "This will waste their time"

But the reality is, it is their job.

For that reason, I suffered 3 years of bottling it all up, and I suffered from more in the first few years, but I have recovered. But I still have this feeling in my gut that whenever I go out the house, somebody somewhere is judging me.

But that is not true.

I am so proud of anyone who has any mental disorder, and still can bring themselves to go out, and do things they believe they aren't capable of doing.

I hope this post helps...

But anyway, this is probably my last post on this until requested.

Bye, thank you for reading x